Since becoming a mother I’ve known that my daughters are my life and it is a gift from God that I get to be their mom. The past month or so has kicked me in the gut; changed me in ways that I will forever be grateful. I’d like to think that I treasure every moment, but treasuring my 6 year olds name written with green permanent marker on a freshly purchased/washed comforter is still a little bit of a struggle for me. Then there’s that pesky feeling of a little thing I like to refer to as 'guilt'. There are mothers that will never stumble into the kitchen to find their 18 month old daughter elbow deep in a box of cereal right before dinner and after being caught red-handed give you the biggest cheesy grin you've ever seen. There are many moments when I feel that I am at my wits end when we've had a crazy day or my 6 year olds attitude is raging or my toddler is screaming uncontrollably because I took the cereal box away from her. Where is the line? The line that separates the gratitude that I have a daughter that marked up her brand new comforter with a GREEN sharpie and the raging guilt that I got upset with her when I KNOW there are MANY parents who would kill for that experience.
I will never be the perfect parent, no one but God is, attitudes will still test my patience on a bad day. However I am willing and able to take the time to read a story before bed every night to my children. I will chase the ice cream man down the street and let them gorge themselves (after dinner of course) on whatever they want from that musical, creepy van because you only live once. I will take them for walks when its 100 degrees out because they want to ride their scooter. I will play Old Maid just one more time even when its past bedtime because that means I get to hear 5 more minutes of a blond headed giggling girl who is anxiously awaiting you to draw the 'Old Maid' from her hand one last time. I will sit on the floor playing the "Where's Addaline?" game as she stands behind my back leaning her head over my shoulders because it amuses my toddler so much and brings out the biggest belly laugh you've ever heard.
More than all of that, I want my daughters to know that their spirituality, true friends and family are more valuable than anything else in this earthly life. I only hope that I can instill in them confidence, strength and compassion so when the time comes for them to take care of one of their friends or each other more than they've ever cared for themselves, they will be able to forget their needs to be at the side of whoever needs them. I want my children to know that they are loved and what a wonderful feeling it is to be loved by someone whose heart just wants to burst sometimes because of the pride and joy they bring me.
I remind myself everyday that yesterday is the past, today is called the present for a reason and tomorrow is a gift. I only hope that I will experience a million more tomorrow's with my beautiful family and treasure EVERY moment of every day!